


burned scones and soggy eggs

by thecruciblegavemeyou



Category: Carry On - Rainbow Rowell
Genre: M/M, SnowBaz
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-02-17
Updated: 2017-02-17
Packaged: 2018-09-25 05:15:13
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 850
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9804092
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/thecruciblegavemeyou/pseuds/thecruciblegavemeyou
Summary: WARNING: eating disorders, body issuesprompt from tumblrrrr





	

when snow asked me if i was anorexic that christmas eve in my room, i definitely paused a moment. i mean, i wasn’tanorexic, but i did not have great eating habits. i was a vampire, and maybe i didn’t need as much food as other people, or simon the human vacuum cleaner, but i didn’t eat enough. 

it didn’t help that i wasn’t fed a scrap of food in the two months i spent with the numpties, either. when fiona finally found me, she took me right to the nearest mcdonalds and bought the whole goddamned menu. i didnt have the heart to tell her that i threw it all up in the bathroom a half hour later. my body forgot how to handle food. 

until that christmas eve with simon, i hadnt eaten any full meals or much of anything. maybe a biscuit or an apple, here or there. 

i wanted to eat, but i didn’t feel like i deserved it. it was my fault that my mom was dead. it was my fault that my dad would barely acknowledge my presence. 

it wasn’t until one night with snow when i really broke down. we usually stayed fully clothed. or mostly clothed. but tonight, simon was feeling frisky, and he tugged he shirt off over his head. when he got to work on mine, i could feel my stomach lurch. 

was i too pale? 

was i too skinny? 

my torso was weirdly stretched because of my height. 

my hips and ribs were kind of jutting out too… 

my body wasn’t proportional. i didn’t look like any of those boys in the magazines, and i wasnt as muscly or filled out as i had been during the football season at watford. 

i was too tall, and-

“baz? baz, are you okay, love?” i could hear him in the back of my consciousness, buried under the panic and the pressure on my lungs. he sounded like he was under water.

simon crawled off my lap and started smoothing my hair. “darling, whats wrong?” 

“i cant, i look, i cant…” he rubbed a hand on my back and waited for me to come back. when i finally looked into his eyes again (so fucking blue, even in the dark) he looked concerned. he looked like a kicked puppy. 

i felt guilty. i didnt want to hide from him. i didnt want to be the one who made him look that upset, i’d had my fill of that at Watford.

he’d pulled his shirt back on, but i pulled mine off anyways. if i still beat, my heart would be pounding of the walls. 

he didnt say anything for a little while. almost too long. he stared at my chest, and reached a hand out towards me. he didnt touch me, like he was afraid to break me. did i look that paper thin? and then he looked angry. 

“im sorry, simon i-” i didnt want him to be angry with me. i didnt want to make him upset. 

“baz, love, when was the last time you ate anything?” i shrugged, but i could feel the panic rising at the back of my throat. 

“please dont be angry, i just-” i hated the way i sounded, my voice came out in a pathetic whimper. so much for all of those years pretending nothing got to me. 

he shook his head, and pushed my hair back out of my eyes, “im mad at myself, for not noticing sooner.” i kissed the back of his hand. 

“do you want to talk about it?” he asked. i couldnt say no, not when he was looking at me like that. 

he spent the entire night listening to me. i told him everything, and he rubbed my stomach in a weirdly comforting motion. i couldnt help but fall into his touch. 

“i think you should talk to my therapist, baz.”

“si-” 

“and i want to try and help you eat a little more, okay? ill make you breakfast tomorrow.” 

i nodded. i tried to hide the voice that was in the back of my head, but i know he could see it in my eyes. 

“you’re so beautiful, baz.”

* * *

and he did. he made me breakfast, and i woke up to the sun rising over my golden boyfriend and a plate of burned scones and soggy eggs. it didnt even matter when he got strawberry jam all over my chest (honestly, i think he did it on purpose). 

it was hard not to laugh as he tried to spoon feed me eggs, and it didnt help when penny barged in.

“simon- oh my god, stop licking jam off of baz’s chest long enough for me to yell at you! i just stepped on a raw egg, simon! why did you leave a broken egg on the floor!” 

when penny finally got us out of bed, i noticed the disaster simon made of the kitchen. 

everything wasn’t perfect, and maybe it wouldnt ever be, but it was always getting better, with bunce and my bloody git of a boyfriend.

**Author's Note:**

> eeekkkk. i hope i handled this okay, i know its a tough subject. body positivity is harddddd man…. if theres anything in here thats wrong in any shape or form or offensive would someone let me know? i dont want to make anyone uncomfortable   
> i tried to make it realistic i honestly think baz might have a lot of trouble/guilt and i cant imagine that it was easy to start eating again after not having food for two months so…


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